Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
