All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
