so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
