Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
