I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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