Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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