dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
be right there i have to get my cape
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
