Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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