He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
