I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
