i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I touched a dick in church today
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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