just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
