the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
