i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
