If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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