After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
