cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
