if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
