A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Randomize
