omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
