im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
