ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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