My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
