I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize