i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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