i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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