I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Congratulations! We have a period
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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