Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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