Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
it hurts more in the daytime
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
