I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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