Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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