How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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