it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
