You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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