Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
