I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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