i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
