How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
