Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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