I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
