My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
