Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
