You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
