Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
