I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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