If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
