I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
