youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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