you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
