I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
