If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
