She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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