like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
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It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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