Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
