I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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