ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.