the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?