Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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