Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(952): View more from Minnesota

True Life: I hate vaginal excretions

Fav 67 1052 7584
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.

Fav 10 3312 1540
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.

Fav 49 6886 3270
share tweet
(505): View more from New Mexico

judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.

Fav 5 3264 1025
share tweet
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(917): View more from New York City

Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.

Fav 9 3786 1988
share tweet
(802): View more from Vermont

She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.

Fav 12 7464 1473
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(802): View more from Vermont

she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor

(1-802): View more from Vermont

oh but she would

Fav 3 1491 973
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(503): View more from Oregon

So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.

Fav 0 652 417
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(317): View more from Indiana

It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.

Fav 1 27 8
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT