Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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