So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
They should really pass out barf bags in church
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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