When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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