just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize